Ive Been Busy

My "boyfriend" (as of Dec 21) Cory is home!
This is the best December ever.

<3

<3

NEVER

AGAIN.

Drink, Drink, Drink, Drink
Don't think, Drive
Kill

Get drunk a lot
And work 40 hours a week
Spend half your time
Hung over, sick and weak

Make sure to tell yourself that this is cool
And make sure to tell yourself that you have no choice
And make sure to tell your friends that they drive you to it
And that you can quit anytime
That you want, anytime
You can quit
Anytime, That you want
You can quit, Anytime
You can quit
Anytime, Anytime

Anytime, anytime

p.s.
MY 69TH POST :]

---

Think about how lonely and quiet space is.
Now think about how lonely it will be when eventually the sun dies and earth leaves with it.

Now think about everyone you’ve ever known.
Think about what peice of you they’ve met, what part of life you were in when they met you.
Think about what they know of you.

Think about every peice of you that you’ve given away.
Think about how we’re all floating in space

Breathe in, breathe out
Things are going to be okay.

Dream

1. To see sprinklers in your dream, indicates enlightenment. You have been able to shed some light on a situation or relationship. It also represents rejuvenation and cleansing. Those emotional wounds are beginning to heal.
2. To see a pole in your dream, represents security and stability. You always have something or someone you can lean on. The dream may also be a phallic symbol.
3. To see a dog in your dream, symbolizes intuition, loyalty, generosity, protection, and fidelity. The dream suggests that your strong values and good intentions will enable you to go forward in the world and bring you success.
4. To see a new house in your dream, indicates that you are taking on a new identify and developing new strengths. You are trying to be more emotionally mature about things.
5. To see green grass in your dream, suggests that there is a part of yourself that you can always rely on.
6. White represents purity, perfection, peace, innocence, dignity, cleanliness, awareness, and new beginnings. You may be experiencing a reawakening or have a fresh outlook on life.
7. To dream that you are walking on a sidewalk, represents your steady progress and direction in life. You may be moving on to new walks of life.
8. To dream that you are running with others, signifies festive and prosperous times.

Half Full

"And I-I, I wanna be you lover baby
I wanna be your girl
Blow a kiss and change the world, yeah"
I care way too much about you/this/us
to let my worries interfere.

Happy Thanksgiving.
Things around here are changing. I can't wait to see the outcome of it all.
Black Friday, work from 4pm-12am. Nervous.
New Moon was hilarious, so glad we didn't pay to see it.
Xoxo

Dream

1.To dream that a computer has a virus or has crashed, suggests that something in your life that is out of control. It may parallel something in your life that has come to a crashing end.
2.To dream that you have been killed, suggests that your actions are disconnected from your emotions and conscience. Alternatively, the dream refers to drastic changes that are happening in your life. There is a characteristic that you want to get rid of or a habit that you want to end within yourself. Killing represents the killing off of old parts of yourself and old habits.
3.To dream that your ex-boyfriend is giving you advice about your current relationship, suggests that you unconscious is telling you not to repeat the same mistakes that you had made with this ex-boyfriend
4.To dream that you are in Paris, symbolizes your need for romance and passion. It also suggests that you are a person of distinction. You own personal experiences and knowledge of Paris will supercede the suggested interpretation here.

Yup, they all sound about right...

Despite The Lasts:

I got a job today at Vans today & I got my license last Monday.
There is a really good possibility I am working until 3 in the morning on Black Friday.
Co0o0o0o0oL!

I'm tired.

Lay Down and Wait Like an Animal

My hopes are getting way too high way too fast.
I "hope" I'm not setting myself up just to be hurt.

In a way, I guess you can say I built up a suit of armor around my heart.
&
In a way, I guess you can say you kind of broke through my suit of armor.

I haven't let anyone in since...Well it's been forever,
& to be honest, I'm really scared.
Especially since we are in the situation we are in. I wish when I say everything is going to be perfect I can actually have confidence in what I am saying. I've been feeling really down lately, but just because I miss you so much. I'm tired of missing you, I'm tired of waiting.
Sounds stupid, but I need you here to know everything is going to be alright. I try and keep myself busy, to not think of you, but even the most ridiculous things remind me of you. I try not to talk to you as much, so I wont be so attached, but it only makes me miss you more. My chain is getting shorter, but I just want you home already.

You Did Not Press The Replay Button,

So do Not compare me.

Your Hand In Mine

You remember that feeling you got when you're a little kid waking up on Christmas morning?
Well I cant help but feel like that every morning lately. It's the best. Knowing that each morning I wake up is one day closer to you coming home. The anticipation is killing me. Ugh! :D I cannot wait!
I know it's silly to feel this way about someone so soon & far away, but I can't help it. Everything just feels so right. I've never met a guy who has made me this happy before. It's so perfect, sometimes even confuses me, I have to rethink to myself, "is this even real?". After five years of knowing you, I never really got to "know" you, but I feel so lucky to be experiencing it now. I really don't think any other time would have been right.

So Thank You Cory William, for making me smile all of the time. You fill in the spaces.
XoXo
<3

Something (120)

Waiting for our food for 2 hours was the best! Pfft...
Fuck that dimmed lighting, overpriced restraunt. We got full off of chips and they stabbed the inside of our stummies!

Ugh

^^^ We're so lame! haha, But oh how i love them!

Pew, I'm so bored. It's Friday, everyone's drunk except me. I should have just went with TriStan to Dlo's tonight.
Cleaning my room and listening to Wu-Tang.

Phock.

I Know I Don't Say It Enough

But I truly am THANKFUL for my best friends, I don't know what I would do without you.
So
Thank You Lauren

Thank You Josue

Thank You Emilio


For always being there for when I need(ed) you guys the most. You are my family & I will never forget the memories we had and the memories that we haven't made yet.

I love you guys<3
xoxo

Babe of The Day: 5

Ugh I don't know why I think he's attractive, I'm a weirdo!

Cheesy? I Don't Care

You do something to me
that I can't explain.
So would I be out of line
if I said, I miss you?

To know that you feel the same
as I do is a three-fold Utopian dream.

I know I'll see you again
Whether far or soon.
But I need you to know that I care
And, I miss You.


What is this?! I feel so different in the best way possible.

Spiritualized

Don't know that band? Look them up. NOW.

More Than Words

Boy I hear you in my dreams
I feel your whisper across the sea
I keep you with me in my heart
You make it easier when life gets harder

I haven't been this content with my life in a while. I'm so happy I found someone so special, understanding and respectful, & not to mention completely handsome. I couldn't ask for more. I've been smiling non-stop and get butterflies every time I hear from him. The only downfall is the distance between us. But that can only make us stronger right? Oh, I can't wait to see whats in store for December! Come home already babez, I miss you oh so much! I could write so much more, but I don't want to make a fool out of myself.
<33
xoxo

Azn Babiez

Dedicated to Davey:
Agagahahah! These are the best, when we get some mulah, I swear we will adopt one. ha

Paige, Jade & Kiana

^The best one^

http://www.aznbabyz.com/

For Stevie Wonder's Eyes Only

I feel good. I did what I needed to do for a long time. I knew he wouldn't have the balls to immediately respond. What a fucking joke.

This isn't a game but:
I WIN.

Phock

I want all of my piercings back. My septum (^^^), my lip, my gauges, my thing that I'm not even sure what it's called.
I want real tattoos other than my little at home ones. They don't fucking count.

I'm thirsty, BITCHES!

Halloweenie!

Just a few highlights of this weekend. Halloween is and always will be my favorite holiday. As always I'm super indecisive about my costume. So i ended up being Alice In Wonderland and Lauren was a Bear! The night before Lauren and I went and hung out with Jon and Stephanie. Went to a party in Chino with 400+ people which gotten broken up really fast obviously. Chopper came, followed by the pigs. So we ended up going to Nick's house and partied there. Had a few shots and Lauren was drunk as fuck. As always Jon gives the best light shows, ha. Since she couldn't drive, I drove Lauren to In-N-Out at 1am. Ha she ate it in about five minutes! Woke up so shitty the next morning. hahaha
Finally it was Halloween! Thank goodness. Before we knew it, it was already 3pm. I stopped being lazy and carved my pumpkin. I wanted it to be Hello Kitty. Super hard to figure out but I actually ended up doing it. Yay!

We started getting ready and turns out we didn't have a camera so we used film. Drone, Drone, Drone. Unfortunately no good pictures, because we used my phone.


Oh well, hopefully soon. So anyways, we met up with Jon and Stephanie again then Mil showed up. We went to Dom's house. The night started out slow but as soon as I walked in I saw Kenny and he handed me a beer. One obviously wasn't enough, so i had a few more and started feeling good. I ran into so many of my old friends it was the best. Dlo's band ended up playing and I ended up gettin battle wounds from the pit I wasn't even in. ha Some dewd 2steppin his brainz out comes and punches some girl while my arm is being burnt with a cigarette. It's cool cuz he was a babe and apologized, tahah.

After that, I just danced and caught up with David, Kenny, Dlo. Saw Seth too, & yes "I" did say hi. As I was making my rounds saying hi to everyone time flew by and next thing I knew there was only a few people left. So we dicided to head out. On the way home Mil's tail light was out and he was drunk, so of course there was a checkpoint on the way home, right? Again Lauren was too drunk to drive (hahah) but it's okay, I drive better drunk, I dunno why! All in all, It was a good two nights. I cant wait for next year.

Google: 2

Babe of The Day: 4

I will one day marry Brandon. He's like an orgasm to my eyesight.

xoxo

Google: 1

Babe of The Day: 3

Yummy! ha

xoxo

Oh Mai!

Mountain High opens tomorrow. Ahhhh So excited!

Too bad I'm nothing but a broke joke.


Oh someone please help me. This here is no joke, PLEASE!

Davey

Thank You so, so, so much! This is serously one of my best birthday presents!
The day it came out, I went to go see Where The Wild Things Are with Davey, Lauren and Mark. It was the first time Davey and I met (Or at least we think, ha), so he made me this for my birthday! If you saw the movie, you would understand. I wonder if Davey knows that that Max doll looks like him? ha


Aroouuuu!!!!

I Think I Deserve To Breathe Now

Hasn't anybody warned you that I'm no good? I break hearts boy. You know that Beatles song "You Like Me Too Much"? well...yeah, it's nothing like that song actually. Just the title of the song. I don't think I can handle it. Your way too sweet and our morals are way too different. I'm sorry.
You really are awesome though.

It's more like this 22 second song.


FUCK.

Johnston

The artist walks among the flowers, appreciating the sun, he does this all his waking hours, but is it really so wrong?

They sit in front of their tv, sayin "hey this is fun", and they laugh at the artist,
saying "he doesn't know how to have fun."

The best things in life are truly free, singing birds and laughing bees, you got me wrong says he, the sun don't shine in your tv.

Listen up and i'll tell a story, about an artist growing old, some would try for fame and glory, others aren't so bold.

Everyone in friends and family, sayin "hey get a job, why do you only do that only,
why are you so odd?"

"We dont really like what you do, we dont think anyone ever will, it's a problem that you have, and this problem's made you ill"

Santa Monica Pier

Went last night to celebrate my barfday with Lauren, Tristan, Dabbs and Jordan. Birthday bluntz. Almost dying from the super dry goldfish crackers. Lauren looking for the cigs when we had already found them, we were all just staring. TriStan getting lost in the bathroom. Almost crashing about x8675 times. Too much - Too little happened last night. Too lazy to type.

p.s.
I'm not done celebrating.

Uoy Evol I

I want a lover I don't have to love

I want a boy who's so drunk he doesn't talk

Where's the kid with the chemicals?

I've got a hunger and I can't seem to get full

I need some meaning I can memorize

The kind I have always seems to slip my mind


But you, but you...

Thanks Josue (Joshua in Spanish)

Awesome records and shoes.

Is This Too Blunt For You?

I'm only waiting for the proper time to tell you
That it's impossible to get along with you
It's hard to look you in the face when we are talking
So it helps to have a mirror in the room

I've not been really looking forward to the performance
But there's my cue and there's a question on your face
Fortunately I have come across an answer
Which is go away
And do not leave a trace

My Friends

Are definitely better than yours.

hahaha >.<

I love you
xoxo

I wish

My ex-boyfriend would grow the fuck up. Sometimes, when people ask, I can't even admit to them that he was once mine.
I'm sorry, but the things you do/say and the person you are, makes me so ashamed.

I care for him so much and I really do wish him the best though.

Babe of The Day: 2

Just another babe to look at.

xoxo

Response to "Fatherhood"

I usually don't like posting sob story blogs, but I guess once in a while it doesn't hurt right? Well yesterday night I went onto my brothers website (http://judehernandez.com/) because he said he wrote a new entry about his first six months of fatherhood. After the first few lines of reading it, I found out it wasn't even really about "his" fatherhood, but about the father we grew up with. I honestly don't know why I'm sharing this where the whole world can see (considering I've only told two of my closest friends about my "true" childhood) fuck it, I don't think anyone reads my blog anyways and as of this moment, I just don't care. Anyways, in the middle of reading it, my dad walks upstairs half asleep and did something he has never really done before, with the little hair he has left on his head messed up, eyes squint from the light I had on, he just stopped and looked at me. I felt so odd, so guilty, so ashamed, so wrong. He had no clue what I was reading, how I felt, how much I know. Then he just smiled, I was surprised, so I somewhat smiled back, but couldn't hold it for long. He walked into his room and I just cried for a bit. Then, I didn't know what to feel, what to think, if I should have even smile back because not only was I disappointed of him but of me for reading what I read. Here's what my brother wrote:

"My Son is Six Months Old..."
My son, Jude, turned 6 months on October 13, and as I reflect on the many changes I have gone through in this short amount of amazing time, I am reminded of something that my father once told me when I was a teenager; “When you are a father you will understand why I am the way I am.” As I look into the eyes of my beautiful boy I can see love, innocence, pure beauty; and I realize what my father told me was just an excuse for his incompetence as a father, husband, and role model. I will never understand why the way he was with me, with my sisters, and with my mother. What I do understand is that he is a weak man, who lacks any sense of courage, and had to abuse and manipulate his wife and children in order to feel that he had any type of control in his life. No, I will never understand why he beat up his wife in front of his kids, when I, being the oldest of three at the time, was only in the third grade. My mother finally had the sense to leave and we had to live in a group home for battered women for 3 months. Though she went back to him, for some ridiculous reason, thinking that he was a changed man. But as most abusive and manipulative people, he just got smarter and knew not to hit her again.
I will never understand the years of emotional and verbal abuse we all had to suffer, always being ridiculed, taunted, made fun of, and yelled at. Anytime I would get pimples on my face, he would tell me, “Its ok I would get them too, on my butt!,” then would laugh and strut away. We all hated it when he came home, never knowing what type of mood he would arrive in, as we knew any little thing would be taken out on us. But then if we didn’t greet him at the door as he walked in, he would yell asking us, “What’s the matter, you guys don’t want to see me?”
We were hardly allowed to use our own minds, think freely, be creative, or express ourselves because he never trusted what our decisions were and he was always worried what other people would think. His famous philosophical question, “What are people going to think?,” still lingers in my mind and haunts me this day as I have been programmed to base my decisions on this question. It is probably one of the biggest obstacles I have been working to overcome during the past years.
My father lied to us constantly, altering and even changing storylines to his family and friends in order to make himself look like innocent man, never revealing the full and complete story because he knew he was wrong. I recall a situation when he informed me, very proudly I should add, that he had told off one of my baseball coaches, thinking he was doing something noble. When I was talking about it with my mother because I wasn’t happy about, it, he vehemently denied it while looking into my eyes.
He sexually abused my mother and was always thinking that she was being unfaithful to him. He had her drive a car that had dangerously bad brakes because he wanted her to come straight home from work. It wasn’t until one of my uncles, my mom’s brother, called him on the phone and set him straight until he fixed the brakes. When my Grandfather was in the hospital after a fatal heart attack and major heart surgery, my mother stayed with him for as long as she could. When she came home after a long day, he immediately began yelling at her because he felt he was home alone for to long, and then he had the audacity to ask if she loved her dad more than she loved him.
I know that I, and at least two of my four sisters, had contemplated suicide because of the stifling and frustration we were going through, and the lack of protection we were getting from our mother.
I can go on and on describing all the other acts of “fatherhood” that my sisters and I received, but that is for another time as I am not writing this for sympathy nor for justice, its just my life is heading towards a brighter light and I need to share it. It is still a long road for me as it took many years of soul searching, sacrifice, mind expansion, and loss.
Now that I am a father I understand that life is to live and experience, and that souls are meant for discovery, not manipulation or burial. I am a here with eyes open, happy, learning what true love is, that is why I becoming the father and man I want to be.

Shine On and God Bless.

Mixed Emotions.

Sex Symbols

I love them!


But that doesn't make me bad.
xoxo

The Fabric Of Our Lives

I want to raid Zooey's closet oh so badly! If I was a cancer patient in "Make A Wish Foundation", that would be my wish.

LET THE WILD RUMPUS START!

Finally! It's here. It's been longer than a year I've been waiting for this...

Babe of The Day: 1

Killer Babe!

xoxo

And Don't You ever Forget It...

LAUREN HAESOON ARRIETA,
You are my best friend.
You got that?
OK

Space 15 Twenty

Nevermind, I think I want to be Max for Halloween...

Sicky-Poo

But we still decided to go out...

WTWTA

"If the children don’t grow up,
Our bodies get bigger but our hearts get torn up.
We’re just a million little gods causin’ rain storms turnin’ every good thing to rust.”

I Can Be A Frog, I Can Be Anything I Want

I'll Fucking Prove It

<3

>

I've decided I'm going to be Ziggy Stardust for Halloween...

Bwest Fwendz

Geisha House in LA.

Just because you can jerk, Doesn't mean you know how to dance...

I am in an exquisitely good mood....
Let's Dance?
:D

Different

I'm learning how to open up my eyes.
This past week has been so unusual. Mom even made a remark. She said I have been acting different. Not being the "same" Alexis, even some of my friends have said things too, more of in a worried sense though.
Today I heard from an old friend I missed dearly. I am going to visit him tomorrow and catch up. I have this gut feeling that tomorrows visit will affect me; But in a positive way.
It's almost time to graduate, my mind is racing with so many thoughts, I just want to get to the finish line already. It's like these laps around this race track are never ending, I'm getting tired but I don't want to give up. I'll keep myself at a steady pace, I've noticed that the ones who rush get tired more quickly.
I've been thinking more realistic lately, and to be honest reality is harsh.
But I plan on winning this race.

Note to Self

Be more careful with your actions.
Ha

Speechless

I saw Dylan today,
I didn't prepare myself as much as I should have.
I guess you don't realized how much you care about a person until something like this happens.

____

I don't know whats up with everything lately.
This past week has been such an eye opener for me;
But to be totally honest with you, I just want to shut them.
I hope this doesn't progress.